


Best of Friends and Best of Women

by AlexandraHamilfan (SilverMillenium_QueenNeptune)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-02-16 13:23:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillenium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/AlexandraHamilfan
Summary: Possible  Friends to Lovers in future chapters if I get a request for it. You've been fascinated by the genius of Lin-Manuel Miranda since seeing Moana. When a friend wins a chance to go to New York and see his latest work, she invites you along, and you get a chance to show off alongside the genius himself. Could this be the start of a beautiful friendship, or maybe more?





	1. The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MJ124](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJ124/gifts), [le_ultimate_fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_ultimate_fangirl/gifts), [Wiggenweld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiggenweld/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance trip to New York with your best friend results in meeting your idol, Lin-Manuel Miranda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unless stated otherwise, all lyrics quoted are from Hamilton: An American Musical. The majority of these lyrics ARE accurate-- my source being Hamilton: The Revolution (aka "The Hamiltome" for us die hard nerds) All lyrics that may be slightly inaccurate are typically from cut songs/and or potential genderswapping of songs in later chapters.

You stared at your computer screen helplessly, wondering to yourself if you were crazy. There was no way you would ever get to New York. Never in a million years. The realization hit you like a wave. After hearing about the Disney film Moana, you’d become puzzled and charmed by the composer behind the incredible music, Lin-Manuel Miranda. If only you could meet him in person one day. . .

“That’ll never happen.”, you scoffed aloud, pushing your [insert color] hair out of your eyes. Lin-Manuel was too cool and too much of a celebrity. He’d never talk to someone like you. Or at least that was what you thought. Suddenly, your Facebook account dinged with a new message from your friend Cayla.

“Hi, Cayla.”

“Hey Y/N. I could use a hug right now.”

“Yeah, I know.”, your fingers flew across the keys. There was a slight delay, but what Cayla typed next made your heart stop. “Actually, I’m feeling better than I let on. I have something to tell you.” Several months ago, Cayla had been the one to inform you about Moana, and the man behind the music. You’d never heard of Lin-Manuel until that point. But then you’d become curious. You’d done your research, discovered his talent. His demos on Soundcloud had made you laugh so hard your ribs hurt. You’d concluded that you and Lin-Manuel would be good friends. If you ever got the chance to meet him.

“Cayla… what are you up to?”

“I may have found a way for us to meet Lin-Manuel Miranda.” You sat back, stunned. That would be amazing.

“How?” “I won a contest—related to Moana and Lin’s new musical, Hamilton, and I can bring a guest with me to a meet and greet. I want to bring you. Can you let your folks know?”

“I sure can.” You talked with Cayla for a bit longer before your mom called you to dinner. They were puzzled when you informed them. Your mom, always over protective, was not sure she wanted you going all the way to New York.

“Mom. I am not going alone!”, you insisted, but your mom was firm. Thank goodness for your dad, who insisted it would be good for you. You were a southern girl to the roots, born and raised in North Carolina. The furthest North you had ever been was West Virginia to see family, and you couldn’t stand it. You’d often told them you would make it out some day, and your desire to go to New York was no secret. Finally, one of your college friends could convince them. So, two weeks later, Cayla met you halfway, and the two of you got on a New York bound plane. While on the plane, you both listened to demo tracks from the new musical, and before you knew it, you both were hooked. You couldn’t believe you were going.

“You know we’re insane, right?”

“It’s not insane if we get to meet him. And I know how inspired you’ve been since you started listening to that soundtrack. You belong in Hamilton.” You smirked. Cayla had always believed in you, and your mutual love of poetry and musicals had bonded you together.

“A hip hop musical? Yes please!”, you squealed. She was right. Much like Lin-Manuel, you had begun a love affair with hip hop as a young child. You were a musical nerd. The first musicals you’d seen had been The King and I and The Sound of Music with your grandfather. You prattled on about them. Hip hop was your love—or at least it seemed to be. Combining it with a musical would be ultimate fun for you. Not only that, you were skilled in both singing and rapping, though you hadn’t quite mastered being able to mix the two. Once you and Cayla got settled in your hotel rooms, you went through your closet, picking something to wear for dinner. You had no idea where you were going. A quick web search revealed some good options. That just left you with a choice of what to wear. Cayla had already picked something simple. At last, the two of you decided on a gold fringed cocktail dress. You weren’t even sure why you had picked it, but it made you stand out, and as Cayla pointed out to you, you looked amazing.

“Whoa, okay. Y/N, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were going looking for a guy tonight. You look HOT!” You flushed.

“Shut up.”

“No, seriously.” “I look like a damn blimp. Maybe I should wear something black.” True, you were a little overweight, and your bad habit of self-depreciation was a coping mechanism.

“Uh-uh! I am not letting you change.”

“But—.”

“No buts. Come on, we’re going.” With that you were dragged out the door. You weren’t sure what tonight was going to hold for you, but whatever it was, you knew anything was possible. You both enjoyed the night with gusto. However, if Cayla had expected you to meet someone, it had failed. Finally, the two of you headed home, knowing there more fun to be had tomorrow. After all, it meant another Ham4Ham and another chance. The next afternoon, a chance presented itself for the two of you to go to another Ham4Ham. You weren’t sure if there was a point, but Cayla encouraged her to go. After all, they didn’t want to miss their shot to see the musical. When they got there, they signed in for the lotto, and Y/N fidgeted nervously

“I hope we meet them!”

“Me too.” Fifteen minutes later they were signed into the lotto and Lin-Manuel approached from inside the theater.

“Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to the #Ham4Ham show! So, today we’re gonna do something fun for you guys. Who wants a chance to spit some Hamilton with me?!”

“ME!”, you cheered.

“Anybody know what the fastest verse originally in the show was?”

“Hamilton’s cut rap in ‘The Adams Administration’!”, you shouted out. Lin laughed from the stage. You wondered what was coming next.

“Anybody here brave enough to try it?” Lin looked straight at you and motioned for you to come up. You panicked, your heart thudding a bit. Before you knew what was going on Cayla volunteered you,

“She is!” You were immediately pushed to the front of the stage. You turned pink, but it quickly turned into adrenaline. Lin chuckled at the outburst. “I get to be the hype man instead of doing the rap and getting tongue tied for a change. Give us a snap, ya’ll!”

“Whoo. Okay.”

“When you’re ready. She looks a little shy, let’s help her out. Give it up for Y/N, everybody!”, Lin handed you a mic with a cheer. He picked up a second microphone. You closed your eyes, snapped them open again, and began.

“An open letter to the fat, arrogant, anti-charismatic, national embarrassment known as President John Adams…”

“Shit.”, Lin broke in, laughing.

“The man’s irrational, he claims that I’m in league with Britain in some vast international intrigue.”

“ _Bitch, please!_ ”, both of you snapped at once.

“You wouldn’t know what I’m doin’. You’re always goin’ berserk, but ya never show up to work. Give my regards to Abigail next time you write about my lack of moral compass, at least I'm doin' my job up in this rumpus!”, you ended, taking a breath.

“OH!”, Lin yelled, and you swore you heard Daveed join in.

“OH! The line is behind me, I crossed it again! Well, the President lost it again! Aw, such a rough life, better run to ya' wife! Yo,  the boss is in Boston again! Let me ask you a question, who sits at ya desk when you’re in Massachusetts? They were callin’ you a dick back in ’76, and ya haven’t done anything new since! You nuisance with no sense! You’ll die of irrelevance! Go ahead, you can call me the devil, you aspire to my level, you aspire to malevolence! Say hi to the Jeffersons! And the spies all around me, maybe they can confirm. I don’t care if I kill my career with this letter, I’m confining you to one term!”

“ _Siddown, John_ , you fat motherfucker!”, you and Lin both finished at the top of your lungs and you laughed harder than you thought you ever had before at the line. As Lin screamed a good luck to everyone playing the lotto and you started to roll back to your seat, he stopped you.

“Hey.”

“Yeah.”

“You were a star up there. How in the hell did you learn that? Fuck, I cut that verse intentionally. I forgot how fast it goes. And I think you do it faster than me.”

“If you’re referring to the performance at the panel where you revealed you cut it, yeah, I do. I liked the workshop recordings better, and you did it faster there.”

“Damn, Y/N!, You got it down cold. Even my internal beat. Nice work! I didn’t start laughing because it was in the line. . .I was in shock.”

“You kept up like a pro. But then, you wrote it. . . Oh, you mean…”, you looked down at your left hand. “Ha! Yeah, the uh, ‘seizing left hand’ they call it. They don’t know…”

“…that it’s a hip hop thing. Absolutely, yeah. But being a rapper, I do. It’s how you stay on beat. I do the same thing on ‘My Shot… the ‘I imagine death’ verse…I close my eyes for that one so I don’t get distracted, so the sensation of my hand movements…”

“Yeah, I feel you. I--.”

“You gotta get back.”

“ I do. But, yo! You should absolutely come to the show!”

“I’m down. My friend and I are in the lotto, so…”

“Yeah. Good luck, maybe I’ll see you again.”

“Thank you…”

“It’s Lin to you. By the way, you should do Guns and Ships next. Later, Y/N!” He jogged off to rejoin the crowd, and you wandered back to find Cayla. When you finally found her again, she was gushing.

“God, Y/N, you killed that!” Cayla hugged you tightly.

“Naturally, it’s only my favorite cut verse in the whole freakin’ musical.”

“Still. . . I don’t know how. . . you were dead even with him.”

“Nah. Think he was goin’ slow for me til we hit ‘The line is behind me…’ and then he let me take it so I could show off. That’s all it was.”

“Nope, I know you, I’ve seen you do it. You go as fast as he did in the workshop, sometimes faster,  and you nail it every time, cause you die laughing after ‘You fat motherfucker.’ It never fails.”

“That was only because he did.”

“I don’t know. I sense the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” You couldn't help but smile at the fact that you agreed. 


	2. I Am Not Throwing Away My Shot!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the reader is introduced to Daveed, Anthony, and Okieriete, and impresses Lin with an impromptu rendition of My Shot. Lyrics are not mine and belong to Lin-Manuel Miranda. I should have added this earlier: TW for mild panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I It should be noted that many of the traits given to the reader (such as where she's from, being an accomplished rapper, etc), are based on me. This fic was originally posted on tumblr with me as the main character. I hope you'll forgive any cockiness on my part resulting from that. Thank you to Leathy Quijada who gave me the idea for this chapter. Thanks also to le_ultimate_fangirl, who requested a continuation for this fic.

Beginnings were always slow for you, so much so that you hated them. Still, you couldn’t help noticing that you’d never met a guy in the same way you’d met Lin. No one had ever put you at ease that much, either, and you were unsure what to make of it. Lin was different than any guy you’d ever met. But you quickly resigned yourself to one small fact: You couldn’t offer him anything but friendship. After all, you didn’t live close enough for anything else to work. It was easier if you didn’t get your hopes up. Besides that, Lin had been reported to be in a serious relationship and you didn’t want to get in the way of anything.

_Even having him as a friend would be cool. Someone who understands me. It would help a lot to have someone to talk to. I know he’d understand a lot of what I go through, and we have so much in common. But I can’t offer anything more than friendship and I know that. Besides, he’s seeing someone, and what could I possibly offer that he doesn’t have_? As you self-depreciated, Cayla bounced into the room, her curls flowing behind her. She could see the moment she walked in that something was wrong with you, the sister she’d adopted in her heart the day the two of you had met. She plopped onto the opposite bed.

“Thinking about Lin-Manuel, aren’t you?”, she queried, cocking her head in your direction. Her brown eyes were soft and sympathetic, and you couldn’t take it. You snapped your own E/C eyes shut tightly and flung yourself back on the bed with a heavy sigh.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters, Y/N! You matter to me! I know when something’s wrong.”

“I haven’t been able to stop.”, you confessed, seeing stars behind your lids as you squeezed your eyes shut tighter. You opened them again and she offered you a soft smile. “See. There. Feels better, doesn’t it, Alex?” You grinned. She’d taken to calling you her Alex soon after you both discovered your mutual love of Lin’s work in Hamilton, the role she knew you were born to play. She, your platonic Eliza, was there at every turn. It helped the most in moments like this, when you overthought everything, and simply needed a chance to let your mind settle. 

“I suppose you’re right, Betsy.”, you teased back, Hamilton’s nickname for Eliza jumping to your mind as quick as it ever did. That brought a smile to her face.

“My Alexander.”

“You sound like your sister.”, you laughed, and she laughed with you. Slipping into character with her was incredibly easy, and it forced you to clear your mind and focus on being Alex, which she knew made it great for moments when you needed to focus on anything but what was plaguing your mind.

“You should go, Alex.”

“Go?”

“To the theater. See him.”, she volunteered, forcing a deep chuckle from your throat. What would really happen if you went to see Lin? Wasn’t it too soon? Would he think you were desperate, or worse, stalking him? You hoped not. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you left your room and headed to the theater, your headphones in your ears. You found yourself singing along in your head as you took in the sights, and by the time the song ended, you were at your destination. You slipped inside, thankful for the warmth. You had noticed that it was colder here than the southern winters you were used to, immediately making you remember your mother's advice to bundle up as you laughed to yourself. As you walked inside, you bumped into someone at the door.

"Oof!"

"Oh,my bad. . . Wait. . . Y/N?”

"Lin?", you questioned, your cheeks heating at the fact that your fingertips were gripping his arms. In an attempt to keep yourself from falling, you'd grabbed him to steady yourself. He chuckled, and you realized he stood several inches over you. Wow, he was tall. You blinked as he looked down into your eyes. Your face heated.

"It's all right. Were you comin' to see me?"

"Uh. . . yeah. You wanna grab a coffee?"

"Later, come with me. People I want you to meet. Since we're friends now and all." His eyes were sparkling, and you wondered what he had in mind. He led you inside, chivalrously holding your arm, until you linked it with his. He smiled when you did, as if he had been expecting it, maybe even waiting for it. Inside, three men stood on the stage. They were waiting for Lin, you could tell that much. You looked down, unprepared to meet their faces.

"Uh. I should go. I'm interrupting. I'm sorry, Lin. But you should've just told me."

"Not at all. C'mere." He pulled you along, energetically bouncing his way to the stage like a child, and you laughed inwardly. No wonder you two had clicked so quickly. "Guys, meet Y/N! Y/N, this is the HamilSquad. Or at least that's what the kids are calling us." A tall man with an afro was the first to step forward.

"Daveed Diggs, or Lafayette/Jefferson. Pleasure. Call me Diggs if you like."

"Okieriete Onadowan. James Madison/Hercules Mulligan. It's easier to call me Oak. Everyone does."

"Anthony Ramos. John Laurens/Phillip Hamilton."

"And then of course there's me. Lin-Manuel Miranda. Alexander Hamilton, at your service." Lin bowed to you dramatically, and the rest of the squad giggled. You chuckled.

"Nice to meet you guys, I'm Y/N L/N. I suppose you could call me Alexandra Hamilton. At your service, gentlemen." You teasingly took Lin's hand and kissed it for effect as you feigned a curtsy. They all chorused how glad they were to meet you, how nice you seemed, how they looked forward to getting to know you. You grinned back and responded in kind. Lin was eyeing you, but if he wanted to say anything about your greeting, he didn’t.

“She’s got mad skills too. I’d bet she could be our first female Alex.”, Lin suggested, making your face heat. He wanted them to see what you were capable of. With that he gestured  to the stage.

“Y/N, could you do me a huge favor? The guys need to run some cues and I need to hear the songs through, but I need to save my voice. Don’t worry, guys, I’ve heard her, she’s good.” Anthony looked in Lin’s direction.

“Where were we?”

“My Shot, I think?”

“Oh no, I—I can’t.”

“Come on, Y/N. That’s bullshit. You can do Adams Administration. This girl’s being modest, fellas, she’s got a crazy knack for wordplay. Specifically mine.”

“Well, all right then.” You cleared your throat. There was only one other thing to know.

“How we doin’ this?"

"Don't change anything, same as in the show."

"You got it, maestro. Fellas?"

"Let's do it."  Lin nodded and made his way up to the sound booth to cue up the music. You pushed your hair from your eyes, laser focused, and channeled your inner Hamilton, moving slightly to the music. Everyone else quickly locked in around you. As you lightly bopped to the music, you delivered each line with a special punch that it had never had when you were just hanging around in your room. Whatever had changed, you were in your zone, and everyone was awed by it.   
  
"...Ev'ry burden, ev'ry disadvantage, I have learned to manage, I don't have a gun to brandish, I walk these streets famished! The plan is to fan this spark into a flame! But damn it's gettin' dark so let me spell out the name...!" You were killing it, just as you always had.  

"I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory, when's it gonna get me? In my sleep, seven feet ahead of me? If I see it comin', do I run or do I let it be? Is it like a beat without a melody? See, I never thought I'd live past twenty! Where I come from some get half as many. Ask anybody why we livin' fast and we laugh, reach for a flask, we have to make this moment last, that's plenty! Scratch that, this is not a moment, it's the movement! Where all the hungriest brothers with somethin' to prove went! Foes oppose us, we take an honest stand, we roll like Moses, claimin' our promised land, and,  if we win our independence, is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants...?" As you continued, you didn't notice Lin, who had curled up in the back of the theater. Nonetheless, when you'd slipped into character, he'd started paying you attention. When you finished the final notes of the song, he came up to you and hugged you. 

"Whoa, very impressive Y/N!" That was when he turned to the crew and whispered, 

"I could marry this chick."

"Maybe you should, Lin."

"We'll see how it goes, Jefferson.", he laughed it off, but one thing was clear. You two had enough in common to be best friends and possibly more, for a long time. Lin would not rest until that happened. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a request for a future chapter? You can find me on dreamwidth under the username [writingismyescape](https://writingismyescape.dreamwidth.org/)


	3. Bonding Interrupted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Leathy Quijada, who suggested the major plot point! I did slightly change the request from ice cream to gelato, as I found out there’s a pretty incredible—if the ratings online can be believed—gelato place within walking distance of the Richard Rogers! Also I sincerely apologize for this having taken so long.

Being here, on the stage like this, reminded you of all the times you had practiced your rapping with Cayla. Your mind went fuzzy for a moment as your memory returned you to karaoke sessions in your bedroom, Cayla on an instant messaging call with you, hanging on every line.

* * *

**_A few months before_ **

"Honestly, I could go on an' on, I could explain ev'ry natural phenomenon! The tide, the grass, the ground--oh that was me, I was messin' around! I killed a snake, I buried its' guts! Sprouted a tree, now ya got coconuts! What's the lesson?! What is the takeaway? Don't mess with Maui when he's on a break away! And the tapestry here in my skin is a map of the victories I win! Look where I been, I make everything happen! Look at that mean mini Maui, just tickety-tappin', singin' an' scratchin', flippin' an' snappin', people are clappin', hearin' me rappin', bring the chorus back in!" You finished with a playful whoop as Jordan Fisher's voice took over the music. You took off your headphones and laughed.

"I'm sorry, what now? I was just--."

"Messin' around?", she laughed.

"Touché. But yeah-- somethin' like that."

* * *

After finishing his rehearsal, Lin raced up to you.  His face was flushed, as if he’d been dancing for hours, and you wanted to insist he get some rest. Before you could, though, he stopped you. Lin quickly motioned to you to wait for him as he gathered his things and headed back up to the stage to explain that he was taking a break with you. He looked tired, and you noticed that he was sweating with the effort of rehearsal before you had taken over. You were also drenched now. Not that it was your fault. The stage lights were hot, and there was no way for you to escape them. Lin looked over in your direction and mouthed for you to give him just a minute. You nodded and mouthed back that it was no problem. You'd expected as much. Thankfully you had let Cayla know you were heading to spend time with Lin, and she knew you might or might not return quickly, especially if the two of you clicked like she thought you would.

 

As you left, the others looked after you, wondering what was going on between you and Lin. Clearly there was a connection there that they hadn’t noticed with any other woman, not in a long time. Daveed, Oak and Leslie all exchanged looks, but none of them spoke. Perhaps, they were afraid to jinx Lin’s connection to you. Lin jogged to catch up as Leslie and the others looked on, waiting to see what might happen or if they would even find out. Lin leaned into you and whispered,

“Wanna get away from our little audience, here? I know a place a few minutes away where we can hang out. How do you feel about gelato?”

“Gelato? Well, I’ve never really had it, Lin. I’m used to ice cream.”

“Oh, then you should try it now, for sure. My treat. It’s very similar, and there’s tons of flavor options.”

“You know, with your roots, I’d expected you’d suggest piragua, not gelato.”

“Ha, okay, point taken.” For the first time during the walk, you pulled your phone from your purse, typing a quick message to check in with Cayla, who you knew would over-stress herself. After all, she was your platonic Eliza, and you her Alexander. She needed to know that you were close, and that everything was all right. Her anxiety, and the fact that the two of you communicated so often made it difficult for her to go even a few hours without hearing from you unless she knew where you would be or what you would be doing or sometimes both. If you disappeared without informing her, you would likely be on the receiving end of a rant when you returned, something like, “Damn it, Alex! You disappeared again!” Still, you knew your friend meant well—the two of you were close, after all.  You explained this to Lin, who of course, understood immediately.

“Call her, Y/N. It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Check on her. You said she’s like your little sister, right?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. It was true. There were seven years of age difference between you. Lin’s eyes flickered with as much worry as you felt before he repeated,

“Call her. If you need to go to her, I’ll come, too.” You got your phone and dialed Cayla’s number. When she answered, you instantly knew what was going on.

“My. . . Alexander.”

“Best of women. . . I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you.”

“I’m scared, Alex. Where are you?”

“No. No, dearest. Just listen to me. I’m on my way to you, if that’s what you need. Just breathe. Please.”

“I—Alex, I—can’t. Can’t catch. . .”

“Slow, deep breaths. For me. Please, Betsey. Try, for me.” You looked over at Lin and mouthed,

“Sorry, I need to…” He shook his head.

“Don’t apologize. She needs you. Go.”, he whispered, calling you a taxi back to the hotel so you could go and be with her. Even though he had said he'd go with you, Lin suddenly got the instinct that you would fare better on your own.  After seeing you off, he made his way back to the theater, no longer wanting or even caring about gelato. All he was worried about was you.

When you reached the hotel room, you found Cayla curled in a ball on the floor, clearly still hyperventilating.  You immediately sat down near her, careful not to touch until she allowed it. You'd learned some things about panic attacks when you found out she suffered from depression and anxiety, and you knew just what she needed.  She looked up, saw you, and whimpered quietly. 

"Alex. . ."

"Shh. It's all right, Eliza. I'm here. How long has this been going on?"

"H-half an hour. I can't--can't breathe. Alex, I'm scared. I--I  tried. . ."

"Shh. I know, I know. Can you try to take a deep breath for me?" She nodded.

"H-Hold me. Please." You wrapped her in a warm embrace. Now you could soothe her easily. As if it were second nature, you began to hum her favorite song from the musical, "Dear Theodosia", knowing that it always helped her calm down.  Once she was calm, the two of you remained on the floor for a few moments. 

"I'm sorry. You were with Lin, I shouldn't have. . ."

"It doesn't matter, Cayla. He understood, and you needed me. I'm your Alexander. I can't just abandon you."

"So where was he taking you?" 

" Nowhere major. Just to grab some gelato to cool him off from rehearsal. Don't worry about it.", you smiled, brushing your hair from your face.  She did smile then, laying her head on your shoulder. You were nothing if not loyal.  Meanwhile, as Lin wandered back inside the theater, the rest of his friends were waiting. 

"Linguini! You're back earlier than expected.", Jonathan stated, the shock obvious on his face. 

"Yeah, it's cool, Groffsauce. Her friend needed her."

"Sounds like an excuse."

'It wasn't. She's not like that. She's cool. Cooler than that. She's also loyal to her friends, and they come first."

"Yeah. Okay, whatever you say." Lin scoffed at that, but he knew you would be hard to shake. His mind was whirling with the possibility of seeing you again. You were like his best friend already. How it had happened so fast, he had no idea, but he knew one thing. Whatever was between you, it had to be worth a second shot. 

 


	4. It's Not Like That! (Deny, Deny, Deny) - Lin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin wants to deny there's something between you-- but can he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am so SO sorry that I have not updated this in forever. If you have left kudos or commented-- Please comment or inbox me with prompts or suggestions for new chapters, because I am having major writers block! I will seriously consider any prompts suggested including smut as I had originally intended to make this a friends to lovers fic if requested! If you want this fic to continue, I need help. Thank you to the amazing MJ124 who has done this for me in the past! This chapter will be entirely from Lin's point of view. The next will be from yours.

"She's cute, Lin.", Anthony joked. Lin-Manuel was sitting at a table with Daveed, Anthony, and Leslie. His face was red, and his eyes were as wide as saucers. He couldn't believe his friends were encouraging him to ask you out on a real date. This was  _not_ what he'd planned, and yet. . . it was obvious to everyone around him that the superstar had you stuck in his head, and he wouldn't be able to let you go. 

"Anthony, don't.", he whined a little, afraid to let himself think about you. If they realized it, if they knew. . . Good God, Lin would never hear the end of it.  He might not hear the end of it as it was. Okieriete actually looked sympathetic, for which Lin was grateful.  Maybe he would be the voice of reason, realize Lin wasn't ready for anything serious with you. He didn't want anything serious right now.  As if reading his mind, Daveed put a hand on Lin's shoulder. Lin mentally cringed. Daveed was a notorious love-'em-and-leave-em type.  The whole cast knew he had an eye on Renee, but she refused him, because the whole cast also knew that Daveed also had a serious girlfriend. They had an agreement, Lin had been told. What it was he didn't know, nor _want_ to know, nor care. 

"Lin, you can't help what you want. Just tell Y/N! She'll understand!", Daveed suggested. Lin cringed again. 

" 'Veed, please don't. I don't want to sleep with Y/N. She's not that kind of girl." Daveed shot him a look that read, 'You don't know that.' and Lin fought not to be sick. He knew you, knew what you'd say. You were like him. Love and sex were sacred, not just something to do. 

"I'm  _not_ sleeping with her!", Lin protested, a little too loudly for his own liking.  But if he didn't make it clear the others would run with it. The rumor mill on Broadway was unstoppable. No one would let him live down the rumor that he was sleeping with a fan. He'd learned quickly to let the rumor mills go. There was only one thing he could do now, the thing his brain had been screaming at him from the start of this whole thing.  Every time, the words repeated themselves in his head, as if they were a mantra. 

_There's only one thing you can do. Deny, deny, deny. It's not what they think it is. Just tell them to let it go.  You gotta leave it alone._ But even he knew better. Suddenly, he was a seventeen year old kid again.  He felt like Megara trying to deny her attraction to Hercules in "I Won't Say (I'm In Love)". He slapped a hand against his forehead. _Of course_, his love-sick brain had turned his feelings for you into a Disney reference. But that was backwards, wasn't it? He was supposed to be Hercules, wasn't he? Well, at least you hadn't turned him into Eliza Schuyler. 

"If she could do that, she's a freakin' miracle worker.", he muttered, unaware he'd spoken out loud. That was when Leslie and Chris walked into the room, sitting down next to him. He started to get up and leave, but Chris stopped him. At 6'2", Chris didn't quite tower over Lin's 5'9", but it was enough to make the older actor slightly imposing.  His mind started screaming again, and it wouldn't stop. He couldn't make it stop. The last thing he wanted to do was to yell at Leslie, or Chris. Chris, who he was close to, who had been through his first musical with him. The man who would no doubt know he was stressed out. 

"Dude, you're acting weird.", Leslie offered simply. He wanted to support Lin but didn't really know what to say or do, so he had brought Chris along. Chris had been there when Lin had been in love before. Chris had consoled him when his ex-girlfriend had decided they weren't working out amid the chaos of his busy work schedule. Chris knew what a love-struck Lin looked like. Lin's brain hit an internal panic button. He gave Leslie a look. Leslie returned it. 

" 'm fine. Will you two quit lookin' at me like that?", Lin snapped, not meaning to, as the mantra went through his mind again. He couldn't tell anyone what he felt. Admitting it meant he had to face it. He wasn't ready to face those feelings yet.

"Lin-Man, if this is about Y/N. . . ", Leslie began, confident he'd hit the nail on the head. He gave a Burr-like smirk, a sort of mental "I've got you beat." Chris glanced up. 

"What?!"

"Uh-uh. No way, don't bring her into. . .", Lin started, already feeling himself run cooler than normal. It had made him angry.  _Pissed_ , if he were being totally honest with himself. 

"She seems a little, I don't know. . . eager for you."

"Don't." Lin's voice was ice now. If there had  been any playfulness in it, it was gone. Leslie looked confused, until Lin snapped.

"You don't know her. You don't get to talk about her. You don't get to tell me how she seems.  _You_ don't _get to--._ " That's when Chris realized how angry Lin was getting. 

"Whoa, okay. Lin, I'm sorry. Forget we said anything."

"It ain't like that. We're just friends.", he muttered. Leslie and Chris walked off, Chris looking astonished at their friend's behavior. Lin-Manuel was never this defensive or this angry over a girl, especially not one he claimed was just a friend. He was tired of people assuming he was closer to Y/N than he was. He wanted to stay friends with her, but something in his heart told him there was more in the way she looked at him than just admiration. Perhaps it was only a fit of passion, but Lin knew, either way, he had to do something. Or else she was going to consume him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys! So I need to hear from those of you following this fic? Do you want it to go in a friends to lovers direction? Because if not I will dial this back. Next chapter is from your point of view. Also if you have any suggestions or prompts for future chapters please let me know. This fic is part of the Long Live Feedback Comment Project, so please leave me con-crit and suggestions, but please be kind!


	5. It's Not Like That! (Deny, Deny, Deny) - Y/N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lin has insisted that you meet all the cast members, you and Cayla meet the women of the musical for lunch. You're promptly grilled over what your relationship with Lin really is.

Lunch dates weren't something you were used to. Things with Lin were improving by the moment, so much so that he'd finally decided it was time. Time for you to get to know his closest friends in the cast. At this point, you'd met the Hamilsquad, clearly the closest you'd ever come before to being introduced to your significant other's guy friends outside of what he called his"cabinet"-- the group comprised of Lin, director Thomas Kail, choreographer Andy Blankenbuler and composer Alex Lacamoire. It had freaked you out more than a little, specifically when you'd been put on the spot to do an impromptu rendition of one of Lin's Hamilton raps. 

Today, however, was a whole different animal. You weren't certain you were prepared. Nonetheless, you'd dragged Cayla with you to the theater. Because today was going to be possibly one of the craziest days of your life.  You knew it, and so you had prepared for this well in advance. Being close to Lin meant scheduling, planning, and above all, always looking your best. Today, that mattered more than ever.  

Less than 24 hours after you'd shown off your rapping prowess, Lin had been raving about you. Not to his boys this time, but to the three most important women in the cast: the Schuyler sisters. Or at least, the actresses who played them. Whatever he'd said, it must have been intriguing. Because now, Renee, Philippa and Jasmine were practically dying to meet you.  The stares you and Lin had exchanged at the Ham4Ham when you'd met had caused gossip to fly, and most of his co-workers were sure Lin was in love with you. Of course, he denied it vehemently, but that was to be expected. Lin was a gentleman who did not want you to suffer the scrutiny of a relationship with someone whose star status was only rising. 

It didn't matter to you, but you weren't the type to rush into a relationship either. So when Lin had suggested you remain friends and take things slow and easy instead of dating outright, you'd been all too happy to oblige.  You'd even offered to keep a distance from the theater. Lin, however, had insisted you do nothing of the kind, claiming you were his good luck charm, and he needed you around.  Your only real solace seemed to come from confiding in Cayla about what was going on.

“He’s ready to introduce me to the rest of the cast. Before he can’t.”, you sighed. You were sitting on the bed, fighting the urge not to flop back. You and Lin had been getting closer and closer, and you knew that there was something bigger coming soon. He’s been spending more and more time with you, but sadly, the trip you had won had only been for three weeks, and that time was ending quickly. You didn’t want to leave. This had been the most magical few weeks you’d ever experienced, and you knew that nothing would ever come close to what you’d found.

“It sounds serious, Y/N. Like, ‘he really likes you, you might have a shot.’ I’d take it. It does sound serious.”, Cayla repeated herself for emphasis. You bit your lip. It felt like you and Lin barely knew each other in some ways. But you had been getting closer, and maybe there was reason to believe Lin was invested in you. He’d seemed reluctant to step away the last time you both had gotten a moment alone together.

 "I really don't want to jump to conclusions on this, Cayla. Lin and I aren't really like that. I mean sure, we're friends . . ."

"Sweetheart, if ya'll are 'just friends', I'm the Queen of Sheba.", she laughed. 

"It's  _not_ like that! Lin's not that kind of a guy. I don't want to rush into anything. . . " Cayla frowned at you, seizing her chance to be Hamiltonian for a change.  You braced yourself for the inevitable. You knew the assumption that was coming, and it was one you'd hoped to avoid. You knew she only wanted the best for you, and yet, you also knew good intentions backfired. As much as you two  flipped roles, you should have seen it coming. For whatever reason, the words hit you harder than either of you had expected. 

"I will never understand you." You flinched. She was usually Eliza to you, Burr to anyone else. It was rare that she quoted one of Hamilton's lines.  

 _Oh, shit. Here it comes._ You braced yourself for the inevitable lecture, hoping you would at least be spared the cliché, "If you love this man, go get him." You slipped into character again, hoping to calm her before she started. 

"Betsey . . ."

"Don't, Alexandra. You can't tell me that he means nothing to you."  She knew you far too well, well enough to anticipate a smooth lie.  It was too much for you to be willing to give it a chance even mentally. With a low whine, you conceded.

"Indeed, that I cannot do, my angel. But I hardly know the man."

"Alexandra, you could know no one better. Not even me." Her eyes were shining, begging you to give Lin the chance he deserved. 

:"But, I . . ."

"Are you afraid, dearest? For me, for him, for yourself?" You didn't know the answer, and it made you panic. You snapped your eyes shut, trying not to think, trying not to care, and found you couldn't.  Your phone buzzed in your back pocket, and you scanned it, instantly panicking at the message.  Lin wanted you to come to lunch with him... but not  _just_ him. Your face must have paled, because in an instant Cayla was at your side. 

"Alex?" Her eyes were worried, mothering, the way she always was when you made her nervous.  Before you could stop yourself, you  handed Cayla your phone. She gasped. 

"Y/N! Lin's asking you to dinner?!" You flushed again, red with embarrassment.

"Geez, say it a little louder, why don't you?!" She gave you an apologetic look and quickly rushed to the closet the two of you were sharing, pulling out what she knew was the most formal dress you had among the clothing you'd packed for this trip. Black lace with a subtle nude lining, and a flared skirt. 

"This? Are you sure?"

"If you want to make an impression, yes this."

* * *

Later that evening, you put on your jewelry and applied some subtle makeup, at Cayla's insistence. You paired the finished look with elegant black ballet flats and soon you were in a taxi. Lin had insisted on meeting you there, which had re-ignited your nerves. Thankfully, he had called the cab for you in advance, and somehow known exactly when you would be ready. The driver wasn't chatty, but that didn't matter. Your heart was thudding too loudly in your chest to try to speak. It might jump into your throat if you tried.  Lin had chosen an upscale restaurant for this dinner-- you didn't want to make the assumption of calling it a "date"-- and you certainly noticed the effort. 

Finding Lin once there wasn't hard-- he was surrounded by three stunning women you immediately recognized. Philippa Soo, Renee Elise Goldsberry and Jasmine Cephas-Jones... the women in Hamilton's history. Of course, you'd been expecting them. But as soon as Lin's face lit up at the sight of you, everything else seemed to go hazy. 

"So this is the famous Y/N? The one who can outrap you, Lin?"

"Hold up. I didn't say that."

"Um. I'm good but not  _that_ good.", you supplied. Lin, thankfully, chose not to press the issue. You knew if he had, you'd have been forced to show it off again, as the girls would have needed proof.  The five of you enjoyed your meal, laughing and talking over everything from the differences in New York compared to where you lived, to music, movies, and theatre. You barely breathed when Lin reached for you, his hand brushing against yours under the table. Before long, you and the girls were quietly giggling like best friends. At long last, Lin excused himself from your company for a few moments. 

That's when it began: A dizzying assault of questions from the three women, ranging from your favorite color to your intentions with Lin.

"Look, girls. I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression by the way I showed up here tonight. But I don't  _have_ any 'intentions' with Lin. I'm not even sure there's anything there, I barely know him."

"So are you or are you not attracted to him?"

"I--I'm sorry?", you faltered. It had been Jasmine who posed the question, Renee and Pippa--as Phillipa now insisted you call her-- leaning in, waiting for your answer. 

"Do you want to date our boss?"

"Or maybe just sleep with him?", Jasmine teased shamelessly. Heat rose in your cheeks. 

"I--We-- I don't know what you're--Lin and I aren't like that.", you spluttered. 

"So you're not screwing him?", Pippa repeated, her voice still quiet enough so it wouldn't carry farther than the table.

"It's  _not_ like that. I swear. I've never slept with Lin.  I don't intend to, not unless we're sure we want it to go there." You sighed and yanked open the clutch in your lap. Suddenly, you weren't sure you were comfortable here anymore, and you wanted to save yourself the embarrassment. 

"I should go.", you whispered, pulling your phone out of your purse as you remembered Cayla had offered to call you a cab back if things didn't go well. Jasmine saw the terror in your eyes and caught your arm. You looked up, unsure whether to wrench free and hit her or just tear out of the restaurant. 

"Hey, I'm sorry. I went too far. That crack about you sleeping with him was out of line.", she offered. 

"She's right. Please don't go. If you, he'll be upset," Pippa's voice was suddenly melancholy. You took a deep breath and let the phone fall back into your purse, your 9-1-1 text to Cayla forgotten.  You nodded as you saw Lin walk back. 

 _Impeccable timing, as usual_ , you mused, grateful. Lin would be the knight you needed, and save you from the questions they had no doubt planned to lob at you. As soon as he sat, his hand fell to your waist and lingered there. 

"Everything okay, Y/N?"

"Yeah, I-um-- I just, I needed--.", you stumbled. 

"She's fine, Lin. We were just going to go powder our noses. Come on, Y/N.", she whispered, offering a supporting hand. You nodded and followed her into the restroom. 

"Look. I'm sorry. We're just over eager for Lin. We know he really likes you, even if neither of you are ready to admit it."

"We're just--.",

"Listen, Y/N. I like you, you're a great person. You can deny all you want, but Lin--I've seen him in love. I know what that looks like, and he has fallen for you.  _Hard_. He wants you, girl. In the  _worst_ way."

"But we barely--."

"Spare me honey. You two are like magnets. You notice he went straight to you--checked on you first? Said nothing to us." You sighed. There was no denying it, Renee was right. He had come to you first, had checked on you, had touched you. 

"But he can't be. It's not. . ."

"It is totally like that. Trust me, he's into you for sure." You nodded, no longer wanting to argue. For the rest of the night you watched Lin closely. You found he paid more attention to you, touched you more tenderly, even offered a moment of intertwining his fingers with yours. 

The question was not whether you could deny Lin had feelings for you, you realized at the end of the night as you rode back to tell Cayla everything. 

It was how long you could let yourself believe it just wasn't like that.

 


	6. Burning the Candle

After that dinner, everything between you and Lin felt  _different._ That was the only way you knew to explain it. Lin was behaving cautiously, and it seemed he wanted to take his time with you. Your time in New York was fast approaching an end, and Lin was no happier about it than you were. He had been sulking the last few times you were together, and you knew he wouldn't take your leaving well. 

"I told you, Y/N,  he sees you as more than just a friend.", Cayla sighed at you as you tried to pack your things. She'd been dropping hints all day, it seemed, and you were unsure why or what was going on. Surely, both she and Lin knew you had places to be and things to do. Lin wouldn't ever have wanted to stop you from going home. You decided there was only one person to ask about it, the woman closest to Lin in the show. If anyone had heard about you, it would be Pippa. So you went to the theatre, avoiding Lin so he wouldn't ask questions. If you got bombarded, you wouldn't know what to say. When Pippa saw you, she knew something was wrong.  She wanted to help, but didn't know how.  In no time, it was easy to see that the both of you felt stressed, and you were leaving soon. 

You didn't want to cause him any further stress, so you isolated, keeping away from Lin.   You promised yourself that you would stay as far away as possible. You knew keeping away from him would make it easier when you left. This way, he would focus on other things, too distracted to miss you when you returned home. At least, you had hoped that was the way things would go. What you didn't count on was Lin-Manuel's odd fixations turning toward you and the idea that somehow, you might remain in New York. Somehow, he had to convince you he needed you to stay. But instead of thinking about it, he threw himself into work. 

* * *

 Leslie could practically feel the anger and helplessness radiating off of Lin that day. He had tried all he knew, but Lin was despondent over your leaving, and nothing could make him feel better. When he walked up and noticed Lin sitting helplessly at the piano, he knew he had to do something.  He tapped Lin on the shoulder. 

"Something on the mind, Maestro? Or perhaps a certain someone? Maybe, Y/N?"

"I don't want to talk about her, Leslie.", Lin frowned and stared down into the abyss of the black keys before him. 

"How much longer is she here, Lin? What are you going to do about her leaving?" Lin froze at the word 'leaving'. He had not thought about it, not really, not like he should have. The thought of losing you was a wasp's sting in his heart and brain. He couldn't just let you leave. 

"This is her last week. She goes Sunday.  I don't know what to do. I know I can't just . . .", he began, stopping mid-thought. He was ready to admit it now. What had he been about to say?

_I can't just let her leave. Not without knowing how she feels._ , his mind whispered.  Sure, he knew you had a life, people who loved and cared about you. But didn't he love you too? Didn't his thoughts matter? No.  Not really. Leaving was your choice. At least that was what he told himself and even he barely believed it.

"What's stopping you from asking her not to go?"

"I'm too busy. I can't. I—she has a life, and I'm not part of it, Les. No matter how much I want to be. She's not my girlfriend. She's barely anything. I want to get to know her, but. . ."

"Then ask her to stay, Lin.  If she means that much to you, then ask her to stay." It seemed so simple. But it was much more complicated in Lin's mind and heart.  He didn't want to consider that his only chance to be with you was to ask you to give up everything you knew to stay with him in New York. 

* * *

 

Jasmine was the first to notice there was a problem.  She immediately recruited Pippa and Renee to convince you that there had to be another way.  She invited you out that afternoon, and as soon as you sat down, you knew what she would say.

"I know what this is, Jazzy. I know you want me to find a way not to leave."

"Lin's falling for you, Y/N. He's falling  _hard._ We've never seen him like this. He can't forget about you."

"He's pushing himself to exhaustion trying.", Renee offered.  It was true. Lin had locked himself in his room, working constantly when he wasn't rehearsing. They knew he was burning the candle at both ends, but none of them knew how to stop it.

"Look, Y/N. All we're saying is, you need to talk to the man. You're the only one we know who can keep him from working himself to death."

"I'm not his mother. Nor his keeper. I love Lin, but this isn't my fault. I can't stay. You all know that."

"You love him? You mean it? You truly love him, Y/N?" Your heart thudded in your chest. You tried to picture what your life would be back home, without him. You closed your eyes, willing the picture into your mind, but you saw nothing.  Then it hit you. That's what your life would be without Lin. Nothing. But staying still wasn't an option.  It had never been an option, not when you had no job, no place to live, and nowhere near enough money to remain in New York. 

"Yes, I mean it. I love him. Believe me, I don't want to think about leaving him. But I--."

"But you have a  home. Responsibilities you need to get back to.", Jasmine recognized. 

"I do, and there's no way I could stay. No matter what I want right now. I have to go back. I don't have a choice."

"Does Lin know? Maybe he could help you. Maybe we could? Please, at least have dinner with him before you go." You closed your eyes, trying not to cry. If you let yourself do this, you would lose all the nerve you had, every inch of resolve and reason that told you why you should leave would go out the window. 

"All right. But that's it. Just dinner. I can't stay. He knows I can't. You all know that." Renee smiled. Jasmine's face lit up, and there were tiny tears forming in the corner of Pippa's eyes. 

"Y/N, leave the rest to fate. You don't have to always burn the candle at both ends. We'll take care of everything."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> More to come, and friends to lovers for you and Lin if requested. I originally wrote this for me but it's okay, I don't mind sharing by making it a reader insert. You can come yell at me on my dreamwidth account at  
> [ Erin's AO3 Fanfic Blog](https://writingismyescape.dreamwidth.org/)  
> Also:This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
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